Saturday Silly – September 21, 2019

eden08122015

“I’m going to sue you to death,” said the woman to the guy who’d just rear ended her. “When I finish with you, I’ll have your mansion, your boat, and that Lamborghini Countach!” The man, a prominent attorney, and the woman’s ex-husband, shook his head in disbelief. “We’ll see about that,” he replied. “You aren’t getting one more red cent out of me!”

The police officer stepped in between the two and said, “Now listen, you both need to calm down so I can take your statements, and get the reports done. You, first, Maam. Tell me what happened.” “Well,” replied the woman, here I was waiting for the light to turn green, when he came roaring up from behind me, crossed over into my lane, and just smashed right into me!” The police officer said, “that must have been scary, to get rear ended like that.” “You bet it was,” replied the woman. “I’m just glad I had the car in park, or I might have gone right into the intersection and hit somebody too.” “Like I said,” said the woman’s ex-husband, “You’re not getting one more red cent out of me!”

I was walking along and I started singing this silly song about a Countach, and the next thing you know, I had this Saturday Silly for you.

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – September 14, 2019

eden08122015

The husband woke up with a start as his wife poked him in the ribs, almost shouting, “Honey, it’s time; the baby’s coming.” As soon as he was dressed, and the “delivery day,” suitcase was in the car, along with mommy and baby, they headed for the hospital. How exciting!

About 3 1/2 hours later, the labor pains increased in intensity. Mommy was already tired of this ordeal. “Oh, I wish this baby would hurry up and get here already,” she said. “Where’s your faith,” asked Daddy. “Hang in there, Honey; God’s got perfect timing,” he said. She gritted her teeth, moaned, and squeezed Daddy’s hand as hard as she could when the next pain came.. “Ouch,” exclaimed Daddy. “Do you have to squeeze that hard?” Mommy wasn’t impressed with Daddy’s attitude. You promised you’d be here for me, Honey,” Mommy said. “Remember, we’re in this together.” “I know, I know,” said Daddy. “I just need a little break. Think I’ll go get some coffee, if you don’t mind.” Then Daddy realized that he’d forgotten his wallet. “Honey, do you have any cash on you? I forgot my wallet in the rush to get here,” said Daddy. Mommy, still a little miffed, and very much in pain, replied, “Silver and gold have I none, but what I do have, in Jesus’ Name, I give to you.” Daddy doubled over instantly, and dropped to his knees, clutching his tummy. There he was, in pain as that stomach flu hit him and caused those awful cramps. Daddy woke up from his dream with a start. He looked at Mommy, who was sound asleep and smiling. “Lord,” Daddy prayed, “please don’t let me forget my wallet when it’s time…and please help me be a good helper in the delivery room.” LOL

Today’s message from God Calling – A.J. Russell, is about when faith fails. It’s a good one, and I hope you’ll check it out at twolisteners.org. When I read it, I thought of Peter trying to walk on the water…and later, healing a crippled man with those very words: Silver and gold have I none, but what I do have, in Jesus’ Name, I give to you. That inspired this little story. I wish I’d thought of that when I was having my babies…I’m kidding, their dad was awesome in the delivery room.

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – September 7, 2019

eden08122015

My, my, my! Lot of things to celebrate in September. Two of my babies were born in September; one at the beginning of the month, and one at the end of it. The first Miss America, Margaret Gorman, was crowned in New Jersey, on September 7, 1921. Among other things, this is Chicken month, and Self-improvement month. And, September 7th is the great Buddy Holly’s birthday.

Those of you who know me, know that I like to streamline, so often I combine tasks into one smooth operation. That’s what I did with this bit of information. For my self-improvement project, I started working out to get rid of those chicken wings on my arms. I happen to be a Buddy Holly fan. So, I was doing my workout to “Oh, Boy,” one of his hits. Now, being homeless, I don’t have any dumbbells to work out with. Well, not the kind you lift, anyway. Anyway, I do carry a couple of bags that contain my water and stuff. So, here I was, listening to Buddy Holly, and working those arms.

The trouble started when I got to the exercise where you’re reaching behind you with the weights. The very first rep I did, I reached behind me, bags in hand, and some guy snatched one of my bags and ran off with it. One of the guys at Catholic Charities tried to chase him down, but couldn’t catch him. He gave up and came back to where I was standing. He asked, “What were you thinking, anyway? What were you doing, lady?” I said, “I was trying to exercise my arms so I can keep them firm. Older women like to look sexy too, you know.” He broke out in the chorus of, “That’ll be the day.” LOL ** This is a work of fiction. I’d never have let either one of those guys get away with that in real life. LOL

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – August 31, 2019

eden08122015

A friend of mine has a daughter who just got her first apartment. Her daughter insisted on looking for and choosing her own place, without any help or “input” from mom and dad. My friends said that her daughter checked into about 50 places before she finally found the apartment she wanted. She said her daughter sent her this picture from the pool nearby. Thanking God this place is not in Las Vegas…LOL

do-not-breathe-under-the-water-play-you-got-232440

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – August 24, 2019

eden08122015

I was having a little talk with the Lord yesterday, about some things that were on my mind. I mean, sometimes I really have to wonder, you know?

God is supposed to be omniscient; all-knowing. Well, then I really have to wonder, God, what were you thinking when you gave whoever that person was, the idea for sports bras?! Good Heavens! I just know my girls are plotting murder! After having them in that thing all day, I’ll have to be afraid to go to sleep tonight. God! You had to see that coming, right?! What were you thinking????

I was telling a friend of mine this stuff. Boy, I thought I was a little flaky sometimes. When I told her about my sports bra ordeal…getting into that thing, then getting back out of it…I thought we were going to the Olympics when I saw my breasts looked like two Shot Put discuses. I thought to myself, “you know, God, if I could throw that far…guess what I’d be aiming at!” Yeah, that person that invented these things! Anyway, she said to me, “You know, that makes me wonder about something, too! I mean, what was God thinking when He put hair on women’s legs?! You know He knew we’re just going to shave it all off! I mean, what woman wants to be a Clydesdale?!” “Yep,” I thought, “dear God, what were you thinking?!”

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – August 16, 2019

eden08122015

I was doing some reminiscing about Montana the other day. I had been checking out the Wolf and Bear Center up by Yellowstone Park. I love the wildlife and wide open spaces in Montana. One of my loves as a teenager there was a Native American boy. I loved his sense of humor most. Most Montanans have a pretty good sense of humor…and they love to tell those “Big as the Big Sky” stories.

One beautiful Saturday morning, He and I headed out to a little butte just outside of the reservation. His grandma and grandpa lived on the reservation. We were going to spend the morning exploring, and then have a nice picnic lunch. After lunch, he said he’d promised to send a smoke signal message to his grandpa, at home. He built a fire, took a blanket out of the back of the truck, and sent some smoke signals up. Then he asked me if I would like to learn some smoke signals! “Won’t that be fun,” he asked. I thought that was awesome. I thought anything he did was awesome. He gave me the blanket, and said, “Okay, you’re going to signal the word, “butte.” Then Grandpa will know where we’re at.” Then he said, “Just kind of swoop it down, and sweep it slowly over the fire. That’s “butte.” I did as he told me to. He said, “Hmm, I don’t think you got it quite right, honey. You swept too fast. Try again.” Again, I swooped and swept-slowly, of course. “No,” said he. “This time, swoop just a little bit slower. But the sweep was good there.” Again, I swooped-slowly, and swept. Right about that time, we heard sirens. Up the hill came this little fire engine. I thought, “Oh no, we’re in trouble for having a fire up here.” The fire truck stopped and a couple of Native American firemen got out. “What’s the trouble,” one asked? “there’s no trouble”, I said. “I was just learning smoke signals. I signaled “butte” to tell my boyfriend’s grandpa where we’re at.” “No,” said the fireman. “You signaled, “My butt’s on fire!” Some of those Native American boys are real pranksters! Those firemen were his cousins. I used to be soooo gullible! That was my “Big as the Big Sky” story.

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly Bonus!

eden08122015

Who remembers Candid Camera? Today, August 10, 1948, Candid Camera debuted. It was always one of my favorite shows. I thought I’d share one of their classic pranks with you. Thank you, Allen and Peter Funt, for years of giggles.

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – August 10, 2019

eden08122015

I spoke with a friend of mine in Washington recently. She lost her husband a few years ago. In June of this year, she finally sold their house. She’s moving into a retirement community, and is excited to be starting this new chapter in her life.

On this particular weekend, she had begun to move into her new place. She was carrying her husband’s urn from the car to the condo, when it slipped out of her hands. It hit the ground with a clatter, popped open, and spilled hubby all over the walk. There was nothing to do but scoop him up and put him back. She got her little broom and dustpan, and began sweeping him up. She was so rattled that she didn’t notice the little muddy clump of dried grass she’d swept up along with the ashes. Her next door neighbor came over just then. She’d heard the clatter, and decided to check on her. When my friend explained what had happened, she got this horrified look on her face and asked: “Was that poo in there when you got him out of the mortuary?!” My friend’s hubby had quite a sense of humor. It must have rubbed off on her, because she looked up at the lady and replied: “Yep, that it did. He was always getting lost when he was alive; even with a map, he’s get lost. He must have thought he was in Hell when those flames hit him, and pooped.”

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – August 3, 2019

eden08122015

A friend and I were discussing the technology boom recently. The speed at which everything changes is just mind boggling. I mean, you have to upgrade almost everything you own, every other month, it seems. Am I the only one who feels this way? Yeah, and everything you own, now comes with a remote control.

I’m getting to that time in my life where I really should be looking into one of those life alert or medical alert devices. It’s just good judgment, I think. Better safe than sorry. I was checking into some recently and pricing them. Do you know, they have some that look just like those little garage door opener remotes. Seriously; you almost cannot tell the difference. I thought, “boy that’d be me…fall on my butt somewhere in the house, push the help button, and the garage door would be going up and down all day long…or at least until I could get up and figure out why nobody came to help me.”

Ooh, that could be really bad too. Can you imagine visiting the neighbor’s across the street? You take the medical alert thingy off for just a minute…and accidentally pick up their garage door opener remote? He’s out there on a ladder the next morning, trying to fix the sensor, right about the time you trip over the dog’s toy at home…and push the help button…OMG! What if I accidentally picked up the remote to his RV awning? And it’s parked in the garage…Hmmm, maybe I’ll just move in with the kids…LOL…watch ’em all move overseas!

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu

Saturday Silly – July 27, 2019

eden08122015

I apologize this didn’t make it up at midnight. I was feeling pretty under the weather yesterday, and took the day off. At any rate. Saturday’s here…Thank you, Lord, for another week that you’ve walked with me.

I was on my way from breakfast this morning, and ran into a friend of mine. He preaches on the streets; you may have spotted him near the freeway exits and on-ramps. Anyway, he asked me if I knew how many books in the Bible start with the letter J. I hadn’t had my coffee yet. I have to laugh; I came up with two, and was at a loss for the rest. You see, I ‘m the kind of person that reads the Word, and knows the Word, but I’ll be hanged if I can remember what book, chapter, and verse I read that Word in. It’s all the same to me-God’s Word. Whenever I do my Bible studies and posts, I have to look them up to be sure I’ve got their placements right.

Anyway, I made my way to the park behind the library, and was having my coffee, and thinking about my next Bible study: Your Glory. “You made them a little lower than the angels; you crowned them with glory and honor” This is the verse that came to me. For the life of me, I could not remember where, in the Bible, I read it. This thought came to me: “coffee.” I thought, “What?” “Coffee,” it came again. OH! HEBREWS! I’m still laughing!

Love you from Cafe du Mondieu